Self-regulation is essential for keeping your brain calm and healthy. The best time to come up with and practice these strategies is when you are already calm.
To be able to self-regulate, you need to have experienced co-regulation first, so this is a great family activity to try.
Co-regulation is the ability to regulate emotions and behaviours with the support and direction of a connecting individual, usually someone in a position of trust such as a parent. Children are developmentally unable to do this by themselves, especially if neurodivergent and therefore need help to learn how to self regulate via co-regulation.
One thing to remember is the plane analogy of putting your own oxygen mask on first. Never try and co-regulate someone else if you are not feeling 100% calm. Keeping calm when you have the added pressure of raising children, appointments, cooking meals that will be rejected all whilst still trying to keep your own sense of self can often feel impossible so here is our list of things to try.
Ways I can reset my brain in tricky situations.
Here’s some ideas that work for us. Some are adult friendly and some are more applicable for little people. What other things work for you?
- Say your favourite affirmations in your head
- Breathe compassion in, compassion out
- Move around
- Put on some hand cream
- Give yourself a hug/squeeze
- Stroke your arm or leg
- Wiggle your feet, one toe at a time
- Read a book
- Drink cold water
- Lie on the ground and watch the clouds
- Cross your arms over your chest like a butterfly and slowly tap below each shoulder in a rhythm
- Think about a time when you felt safe and loved
- Put your hand on your heart and feel the beat
- Make eye contact with someone else who is very calm
- Chant (in your head) a rhythmic mantra – I am brave, I am strong, I am powerful
- Tune into your body and feel where you are not comfortable
- Chew gum or use a chew toy
- Watch running water or a glitter jar
- Practise a mindfulness meditation or activity such as colouring or crafting
- Name that feeling. The brain can deal with a feeling much better if it has a name. So get naming! The best part of this is that you can name it anything, so rather than an angry name, it might be Bob (sorry any Bobs out there). It doesn’t matter what name you choose, as long as that is the word you always use to talk/think about that particular emotion. Wow, I am just so Bob today!
- Brains love melody, so get singing! Melody is a key way to keep your brain healthy.
- Become a piece of cooked spaghetti! Start off all stiff, tight and strong like a piece of raw spaghetti, then pretend to be a piece of cooked spaghetti, all floppy, soft and limp. Flop forward, hang your shoulders down and let everything be soft. Next time you see someone in the family looking tense, yell out, “Cooked spaghetti!” and watch everyone relax…and have a giggle.
- Hum or whistle a little tune.
- Play at the playground.
- Pause, deep breath, drop shoulder, feel feet on the ground.
- Visualise smelling a flower then blowing out a candle. This is a great visualisation to help get those breaths right. Take a deep breath in to smell the flower, now blow out hard and long to blow out the candle and repeat. Simple.
- Stretch. Close your eyes and do a big stretch up and out as far as you can reach. This is called proprioception and your brain loves it! The best part is you don’t need any equipment or tools; just have a big stretch!
- Get out in nature, walk along a river, walk in a forrest, sink your feet in the sand and just breathe.
- Disco time! Have a dance and get that energy up. As around 79% of our bodies are made of water, dancing is a great way to get all that fluid moving around to provide an energy boost.
Have you tried any of these? What works for you?