The festive season can be really difficult for neurodiverse people due to the lack of routine and increased expectations around special occasions, visitors and behaviour. With many children still on school holidays, sometimes the pressure starts building. Back to school thoughts can also start creeping in now which can also cause anxiety to start increasing.
Here are five things you can try and implement into your daily routine that may help create some certainty around this time.
- Visual schedules: Creating visual schedules or visual aids can help provide structure and predictability for neurodiverse children. These can be in the form of calendars, routine charts, or task cards, showing the day's activities and events. This visual representation of the day can help reduce anxiety and establish a sense of routine. If your child has a PDA profile, these visual schedules can be seen as a demand but are still helpful so a more casual approach can be useful. Creating the visual schedule and placing it in a location that can be easily accessed and seen without mentioning its existence can be a way to create some predictability without the demand. Only you know what your child might need in the moment, so for some PDA children, introducing the visual schedule to them at the right time, explaining this is where they will find everything that will be happening that day and then letting them choose when/how they use it can also work.
- Social stories: Social stories are short, descriptive stories that help children understand and navigate social situations. They can be used to explain the various events and expectations during periods of change or when there are lots of social events. For example, a social story can describe how to respond to unexpected guests or how to handle changes in routine. Social stories can help children anticipate and understand what will happen during this time, reducing anxiety and ensuring smoother transitions. You can even build in some signals that can be used if they are feeling overwhelmed in certain situations and need help such as asking for you to help them get something out of the car. This can be a great way for your child to let you know they are starting to get overwhelmed and need a break before things esculate. If you have support from therapists such as an OT, psychologist or speech therapist they can also help you create these social stories, including back to school and freindship ones.
- Sensory tools: Many neurodiverse children struggle with sensory regulation, and the holidays can involve overwhelming sights, sounds, and smells. Sensory tools like noise-canceling headphones, fidget toys, weighted blankets, eye masks or chewable necklaces to help children regulate their sensory input and find comfort during overwhelming situations. If you need to be somewhere that you know will be overwhelming, having your sensory kit ready can be invaluable. This may mean testing what items work best for your child before they are in a time of stress. For us, a weighted blanket, eye mask and music works well but for others it might be too restrictive and fidget toys or chewable necklaces might work and are easy to keep in a handbag. Sometimes having regulation time before an event can also mean that your child starts the day with more spoons - something we could all benefit from so implementing family regulation time before big occasions can be a good way to create good family habits and bonding.
- Pacing breaks: Festive activities may overload a child's system and lead to heightened stress or meltdowns. By planning pacing breaks throughout the day to allow your child to decompress and recharge. These breaks can involve calming activities like deep breathing exercises, listening to calming music, or engaging in quiet, solitary activities to help restore equilibrium. It is always best to practice these activities regularly so that they become almost like a habit and can be easily drawn upon when needed. The other great thing about practicing deep breathing exercises is that they can be used any time your child (or you!) feel a little stressed or overwhelmed.
- Communication and social supports: Maintaining open lines of communication and fostering social supports are crucial. Encouraging regular dialogue with your child about their feelings, emotions, and concerns builds trust and means they are more likely to turn to you for assistance during times of pressure without feeling judged or like they will be in trouble. Having another trusted adult or sibling who can provide support and companionship during festive events can also be helpful if you are busy and someone is needed immediately. A familiar, non judgemental person nearby can offer a sense of security and help the child feel understood and supported.
This time of year can be extremely stressful for both parents and children, with judgement and expectations at an all time high. Remember to take care of yourself too as you can’t not help your child if you are disregulated yourself. Easier said than done I know, so sometimes giving yourself permission to say no or to limit the time you attend events if you can see they will be too much, can be enough.
If you would like more of these techniques, The Brain Sanctuary Family Journal contains many activities and exercises.